Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
