I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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