I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
