I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize