so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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