Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
