Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
