Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
