Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
