im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
