My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
