I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
