So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
