Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
