you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize