Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
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