yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
