i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
