I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
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