Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
