It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
oh god was she eating orange peels again
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
