it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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