Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
