You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
