So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
it's like iHOP with fire
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
