he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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