People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
