He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
