Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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