ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
