R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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