Moan for me like Helen Keller
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish my penis had a tongue
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
