it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
