just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Everclear isn't food dammit
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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