I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
