There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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