i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
