she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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