You're so nebulous sometimes
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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