last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
