So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
