Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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