So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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