I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
