yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
