he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
