super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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