so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
