is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
