So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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