your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
