he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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