You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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