hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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