singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
