This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
