here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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