some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
