and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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