we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
