Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
