my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
