Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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