By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
