i think my tv is drunk
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
