how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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