watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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