Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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