i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
