I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
