Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
