if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
