i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There r osticjed everywhere
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
