Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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